I was at the school volunteering in my 1st grader's class. An announcement came on to lock down the school. We quickly locked the doors, closed the blinds, got the children on the floor against the wall with their heads down and arms over their heads. This was NOT a drill. Even as I type these words I feel the emotion of that moment again. I looked at my precious, beautiful, and innocent child and wondered what the next moments would bring. I knew in my head that this was probably nothing, but the nagging thought is still there that it was for some reason. Word came that the McKinney Police Department ordered the lockdown for safety for something that was going on near the school.
As we sat there for about 15 minutes in silence, my thoughts were all over the place. I prayed fervently for safety. I also discovered something about myself that I had wondered about for years. We always say we will lay down our lives for our children. I had always wondered what I would do if put in that situation. Would the instinct to save my children prevail or self preservation? I always assumed I would save my children, but what if I didn't. (I know, I know...it seems stupid but it has been a tormenting thought for years). Well...now I know. As I sat there wondering, waiting, and praying, I was also planning how I could angle my body to cover the most children if a gunmen came into the classroom. There was no hesitation. My only thought was how to shield the most kids.
I also struggled with the separation from my older son hunkered down in another classroom. I could only pray for him that he was not fearful and that God would protect him.
As it turned out, the threat was some kids shooting off air soft guns near the school (they were not kids from our school). Everyone was safe and class went back to normal. I did not go back to normal, however. I am profoundly changed. I am deeply aware of the thin thread of life. I knew it before, but am reminded again that we are not guaranteed another breath. I know that God protects me and my family, but I also know that His protection may not take the form that I want it to. I am thankful that this was "nothing", and I am thankful for the reminder that each day and each breath is a gift from God. I want to grab my boys and hold on tight and never let go, but I know that is not possible (nor would they let me do it - there is too much to do to hug mom!) In my heart; however, I will hold them tight. I will remember that editing photos because a client wants their pictures can wait an hour or two until they go to bed. I will remember that while the socks in the living room annoy me, at least I have the ones that took off those socks alive and well in the next room. I will remember that the muddy footprints tracked across my wood floor are signs of life - two little lives that I love and adore and could never live without.
Most of all, I will remember that I have a God in heaven who watches over me and takes care of me. He is faithful to me even when I am not faithful to Him. And He enables me to do what He calls me to do, even when I am afraid and have no strength.
So...the weekly word is Phillipians 4:19. The broken down fence almost completely consumed by the nature around it reminds me that while it is weak and seems to be failing, it is still holding up and serving it's purpose. Blessings this week!
Thank you to Myssy Thompson and Julie Kuehn for both sending in this scripture. Please don't forget to share this with your friends. The person whose scripture with my picture gets the most comments will get an 8x10 of their weekly word from me.
Aimee
No comments:
Post a Comment